I am growing towards a call to holiness and godliness. My heart cries out to God for holiness, obviously I am striving but not in the least perfect. I even cry a little as I remember how vulnerable and weak I am as a minister. I am to uphold these high standards for God and his glory yet I fail him. I must die to myself and surrender completely to God for this to even work. In my own power I am not strong enough to be holy yet I desire to be. It is by faith alone through the work of the Holy Spirit, it is not a work of myself but by the grace of God we are free. I just preached on this sort of integrity of the man of God. The holiness we are striving for.
I feel that I am striving to have integrity and courage. I don't always have the kind of zeal. I want to be consumed with love for Christ. Sometimes I let my own feelings and plan and logic consume me instead. What a silly mistake. Sometimes I do die out in the routine work of every day. I do scatter myself and try to be good at all things. While I should do all things for the glory of God and with excellence I need to delegate and relax and just focus on laying everything at his dear feet who bled and died for me! Amen! When I surrender all to Him and focus on what he wants me doing, not only do I have enough energy to complete it well I have zeal also that He provides!