Pulpit & Pew's 2001 national clergy survey asked pastors how often in the past year they had felt "lonely and isolated in their work." About 17 percent said "very often" or "fairly often" and another 51 percent said "once in a while." Only 32 percent said they had never felt lonely or isolated.
Loneliness and isolation were the single greatest predictor
of overall job dissatisfaction. Generally, those who had the highest levels of
loneliness were the most likely to be dissatisfied in their ministry, while
those who reported little or no loneliness had the highest levels of job
satisfaction.
Another Pulpit & Pew study also found a strong link
between loneliness and clergy dropout. In that study, researchers interviewed
ex-Catholic priests who had left the priesthood within five years of
ordination. They found that isolation and a lack of close friendships
were one of the most important reasons the former priests
cited for quitting the ministry, second only to celibacy.
Here are some ideas to get you started in finding some social care in your life:
1. Don‘t burn your former bridges. Keep close phone and/or
Internet contact with best friends or close family members.
2. Seek new friendships in social and community settings
that fall outside of the boundaries of your local congregation. You will not
develop outside of church friendships without actively placing yourself in
social situations where friendships may develop.
3. Form cordial and friendly relationships with church
members but be judicious about divulging too much personal information. Other
church members get jealous of the clergy and spouse‘s ―in church relationships. Also, many a clergy family has felt betrayed by a close
friend when church conflicts surface.
4. Seek other clergy (along with clergy spouses) for support
and fellowship.
5. Make it a priority to have some personal, outside of
church interests, hobbies, sports, or goals. Pursue your passions!
6. Therapy is good for the soul. Don‘t neglect your
emotional self, especially if you are in pain.
7. Become part of a clergy (or clergy spouse) support group,
lectionary study group, spiritual formation group, book club, etc.
8. If single, date outside of your church‘s membership.
9. If married or in a relationship with a significant other,
have a set weekly ―date night.
10. Take all of your vacation time and study leave and make
sure it‘s away from your local community.
11. Your calendar is your friend. Schedule your recreation
as you would your church committees. Take your weekly days off. On those
days,―Thou shalt do no church work! (Eleventh Commandment)
12. If married, make a list of future goals and activities
that you would like to experience together (e.g. hiking in the Andes,
skydiving, kayaking the Amazon, picnicking in a secluded meadow, bird watching,
gardening, etc.).
13. Seek out someone to be your pastor and/or spiritual
director. What other creative suggestions can you add? Share these strategies
with other pastors and spouses. Be willing to contact your presbytery committee
on ministry if problems arise.
