In this episode, I talk about how I use the Bible in my coaching sessions

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Are you reacting or responding?

When a stressor reaps havoc in our lives, these events or problems spur an automatic thought in our head. These are automatic thoughts come naturally to us. They are our beliefs and values. We do not have to think about the thoughts. 

From these beliefs or thoughts an emotion follows. This emotion comes to us almost as quickly as the first automatic thought. The emotion is based upon our automatic thoughts. 

From there we behave or take action. Many of these automatic thoughts are healthy and positive. Although, all of us at times, have negative and deteriorating automatic thoughts that are harmful to ourselves and others. If we are not careful, our behavior could also be influenced primarily on the negative automatic thoughts and the emotions from these thoughts that we are feeling at any one time.

Those that react on emotion feel that they do not have a choice. They believe that they should take action based on how they are feeling at the time and respond according to their emotions. They have always lived in the moment and feel like what they are thinking and feeling is important and needs to be heard.  Although, as intense as those emotions are and natural as it seems for us to react based on our feelings, the truth is that we do not have to react based on how we are feeling in the moment.

Instead we have a choice in how we respond to our emotions. We have a choice in how we even respond to those automatic thoughts and beliefs. And yes, we even have a choice in how we respond to stress and difficult people or situations. We must slow down our thinking and learn to respond instead of merely reacting. 

Learn how to dispute or challenge these negative parasitic beliefs and learn to respond to emotions instead of reacting to them. Get the help of a life coach or a therapist, like myself NOW. Get accountability and help TODAY. 

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Lancaster, OH – There’s a perception that our clergymen don’t need anyone to talk to – after all they have their faith – but that’s not always the case. Our pastors and ministers are people, too. We all need help and support, especially those who give so much of themselves in service of others.

“Even pastors need life coaches,” says Alex Dolin, a life coach and Christian therapist. “They give, give and give, but they don’t always have someone to watch their back. If you help people but forget to take care of yourself, you will feel overwhelmed. I just think it’s something that’s needed and I wanted to support them.”

Until recently, Dolin specialized almost exclusively in life coaching services for clergymen, some of whom had even experienced a crisis of faith. Dolin now accepts clients from all walks of life using the same coaching techniques and restless enthusiasm that proved so effective with pastors.

“Helping people and wanting to help people has been my whole life story,” says Dolin. “It’s why I became a minister. It’s why I’m taking classes to be a licensed professional counselor. Coaching is just another way for me to help people defeat their obstacles and achieve their best in life.”

According to Dolin, many of his clients experience difficulty identifying their purpose because of negative underlying beliefs. Dolin offers his clients the accountability and encouragement that’s necessary to achieve their goals.

“Everyone has a tape recorder in their head playing over and over,” says Dolin. “It can be really encouraging or it can be negative. It’s about helping people to have healthier thoughts to find their next motivation.”

Live Happier, Less stressful, Live Balanced

Living a life of balance is extremely important for a life with less stress and more happiness. We have a tendency to get caught up in our worries and our routine that we forget to take care of our own self. Here are some simple ideas to "change up" your regular stressed out routine for something that will help you de-stress:

1. Make time for yourself and family, leave your work at the office.
Pull a Doctor Bob Kelso. Each day as soon as he stepped out of the hospital and took his first step onto the parking lot, his face shifted from stressed out disdain for his job to happy and smiling. He was off the clock and ready to relax at home with his wife.

It can be tempting to work on work stuff at home. It is easy to respond to another email or sort through your work stuff for a document. Instead, you will be happier to forget about all your work stuff. Think Bob Kelso, as he says, " Who has two thumbs and doesn't give a care.....Bob Kelso." Dump your work stuff physically and emotionally and forget about it.

Get comfortable at home. Take a bath or a shower, if this helps relax you. Get into PJs or whatever clothes that you are most comfortable in.

2. Spend time cleaning and straightening up. Clutter is stressful. Calm your life by calming our house and canning the clutter. Keeping up with chores, sounds painfully odd, but if you slowly step-by-step clean up after your self and your home, it will be a more calming place to be. After you come in the door, give yourself time to unwind and have dinner, then tackle one chore. Get it out of the way so you can really relax when it’s done.

3. Enjoy one of your hobbies:
A. Have a drink.
B. Read a book.
C. Listen to music.
D. Get outdoors for some light exercise: jog, run, walk, hike, play with the kids or sports.
E. Call a friend
F.Play a game: cards, video games, apps on tablets/phones, crosswords, ect. What ever is stimulating and fun for you.
G. Laugh more. Watch a funny TV show, movie or comedy routine.Laughing 100 times a day is equal to doing a 10 minute rowing exercise!

4. If you don’t feel like cooking, don’t.

5. The old Bob Marley song, "Don't worry, be happy" comes to mind here. Plan one night a week or every other week to do bills and errands this way you don't have to worry and stress over finances every night. Relax the rest of the month, you will be happier.

6. Maybe the most important thing to do is to Get a good night’s sleep. Go to bed earlier if you have to. You will want to make your bedroom as comfy as possible. If you need absolute dark to sleep well, invest in blackout shades for the windows. If you need total quiet, put in earplugs before trying to fall asleep. Set the heat or air conditioning to the perfect temp for restful sleep. Study after study continue to show the importance of sleep!

7. My expertise: try a relaxation method.
For some people, yoga is extremely peaceful activity. It combines a lot of other great techniques such as meditation, breathing and light exercise. read this blog to get more ideas for relaxation methods. Today I am going to offer a few:

A. Throw your negative thoughts into the trash (literally)
Write them onto a piece of paper and then throwing it away!

B. Use your imagination to imagine a world that is different, one where you are happier and relaxed.

C. Stop buying possessions, start buying experiences. Spend quality time with those that you love. These earthly possessions do not last anyway!

D. Give/Help People
Volunteer, pay for the person behind you at a store, cook a surprise meal for someone, or give someone a gift outside of Christmas or their birthday. Doing kind acts/helping people, helps you feel better.

E. Train your brain like a monk. Do yoga or some form of mind training. Spend time in meditation. Slow down and learn to relax your body. Meditate on Scriptures!

F. Focus. The age of multitasking is wearing thin on our minds. And science is showing that multitasking does not work as well as we first imagined it would. Did you know that being distracted makes you unhappy? There is a powerful direct connection between focus and happiness. It makes sense though, because to focus is to live in the present moment, which cuts out worry, guilt, and other past regrets or future concerns.

G. Accept life difficulties as a challenge for growth and gain instead of seeing it as an impossible negative situation. This was the focus of my last blog post.


H. Breathing technique: belly breathing.

I. Smile more. Actual practice smiling, real smiles that include your eye socket.

J. Be Thankful for what you have. Be grateful and appreciative to everyone that treats you kindly. Tell people how grateful you are and journal every night about all of your blessings and thank God for them!

References/Resources to check out:

6 Scientific Ways to Live Happier

Ten Simple Things You Can Do to Be Happier, Backed by Science

17 ways to Relax

8 Easy Bodily Actions That Transform Mental Performance

6 Breathing Exercises You can do in 10 minutes 

"Worry gives a small thing a big shadow" -Scottish Proverb

When hard times hit, we are trained by this culture to be a victim and to always look out for the dangers and losses. We have two options though. Instead of being worried, when life brings trauma, think of the tough experiences as opportunities for gain. Grab the stress by the horns and take it on as a challenge. Everyday is filled with a number of uncontrollable challenges. We have the opportunity for success and winning.

About me and my services

 I am a Christian Life Coach, a Professor of Biblical Studies, a future professionally licensed counselor, blogger and occasionally fill the pulpit. My specialties are in helping ministers/pastors with self-care and stress management and in helping college students/young adults find purpose in life. 

I am learning how to deal with stress and anxiety with CBT, mindfulness and relaxation techniques, coping skills, and  decision making  techniques.

 I have seen trauma, divorce, stress and personal loss and pain in my own life. I have been there.

I want to remove excuses for getting success you want over the phone, on Skype and face-to-face.

 I want to help people set realistically higher expectations, achieve more results and to live a better lifestyle.
I want you to  see success in life. I want to help grow and stretch you to new levels in your emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical development.

I will provide and equip you with  tools use for the rest of your life as you continue to grow and learn.

I want to change the way you think about yourself. I believe that everyone has a ton of potential and the only thing standing in your way is your self. 

With me you will be able to see results in your life and you will gain tools and discover resources that you will be able to use in the future.

For a free  consultation to see if coaching with me is a good fit  for you check out AlexanderDolin.com for more information.

Take One Step at a Time

When you are feeling anxious, stressed out, hopeless, overwhelmed or down, there is some hope. While these feelings  can very quickly overtake you if you’re not careful. Here are 2 simple Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) based technique that can help face your fears and anxieties. 

The first activity is to dispute negative thoughts. Here are some questions to help in this stage of the of the A.B.C.D. Method:
1.What's the worst that could happen? 2.How likely is it to actually happen? 3.Even if the worst DID happen - how could you cope with it?

This last question begins the process of the second CBT intervention, facing your fears:
Planning out each step, is an essential part of this intervention. The key is to break the fear down into numbered small steps. CBT Therapists often help the client to place the most frightening action steps  at the bottom  and the least frightening at the top of the list.  
Next the clinician helps the client work through their list, taking each step in the order listed. The client only moves to the next step when they have really achieved the previous one.
While important, merely achieving a step once  is not enough. Clients must keep going over each step until they are confident and comfortable achieving this step. The counselor  helps the client achieve progress and congratulate/encourage the client in their success. Celebrating every achievement – even the seemingly small ones, will help to build your confidence in the face of the fear. 
As the client works through the list, they’ll begin to notice strength growing and fear diminishing. It might feel uncomfortable but it’s worth it.


If you like these types of activity, check out AlexanderDolin.com for more activities like these.

Dispute Your Negative Thoughts

This is commonly known as the A-B-C-D Method. It is a popular model in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

The Acrostic looks like this:
A- Activating event
B- Belief
C- Consequence
D- Dispute your thought

You can use this trick to dispute depression, anxiety, disappointment or any other thought that you do not like. For many people this activity takes just a few minutes but for some situations, this activity be a longer process.

Begin practicing talking back to the negative thought that is bothering or hurting you.

A is the Activating event; what happened B is the Belief or the thought that you are having; that is, what you tell yourself about what is happening C is the Consequence of your thought; that is, the feeling you have as a result of your thought D is the way in which you Dispute or talk back to your thought (this means that you challenge negative thoughts and generate alternate positive thoughts)

Here is an example of this:

A. You are single. You were recently dumped by your significant other. (This is a fact.)
B. You think that you cannot be happy without a significant other.
C. The consequences of this thought is that you hopelessly romantic or desperately seeking another companion. The consequence could be slight depression or just a lot of anxiety over this area in your life.
D. Ways to dispute this thought:
"There are a lot of single people who are as happy as those who are in a relationship or married."
"Singleness is a new chapter or season in my life, a time to enjoy the freedom and learn more things about myself and the people in my social circle."
"Being single is unfortunate, but many human beings are single. Human
beings can lead satisfying lives even when single. I am a human being,
therefore I can lead a satisfying life even though I am single."
"There are many other singles in the world. There is someone out there for me. I have had some success in relationships in the past, so I can have future success in my future relationships."

This is just one example of how this model works. If you liked this activity, check out more activities and ideas at alexanderdolin.com

Closer look at Promises in Eph. 2

-God has great love for us (v.4). Because he Loves us so much.....
-God has rich mercy and grace for us (v.4). These are so great that no one can imagine it!
-We are dead in our trespass (v.5).
          We once were dead and in disobedience.
-Saints have a future in things to come which are rich in mercy and in grace.
-What Christ did has an enormous impact on the present and the future.
- The union with Christ is very deep.
             The main verb comes in verse 5b, “he made (us) alive together,” followed by two more                  verbs (verse 6), “and he raised (us) up together and seated (us) together” (all three                          compound verbs in Greek with the preposition “with,” that is, with Christ). Verse 7 gives                the purpose of God’s action. The sentence ends at the end of verse 7; in verses 8–10 (two              sentences) the writer stresses the fact that all of this is the result of God’s grace, not of                    human achievement  It may be useful to introduce this as a simile for example, “it is just                as though God brought us back to life together with Christ.” It is important that the                        translation not have an expression which means “he (God) made us live with                                  Christ.”(Bratcher & Nida, 1993).
- Salvation can only come from God alone-His love/grace, there is nothing man can do to save himself (v.8).
-In salvation, we are created by God to have union with Christ (v.6)! We belong to Christ. God’s grace was manifested or shown to us by the way in which Christ Jesus loved us.
-Now, since we do have new life in Christ and since we are joined together with Christ, we are now called to a life of good deeds.
                 We “have been created, to create.”  Because of our union in Christ we are the                                instrument and  the means of a life of good deeds. Better yet, He had already prepared                  for us to do these deeds! (Bratcher & Nida, 1993).
-He made us for good deeds, it is a consequence of our salvation, our union with Christ.
-The blood of Christ brings people near Him and to salvation!


Verses 8 and 9:
It is not easy to distinguish between the cause of salvation, that is, by God’s grace, and the means, namely, through faith. It is God’s grace which produces the salvation, but it is the faith of people which makes this possible. Faith therefore may be described technically as “contributing circumstances,” for without faith on man’s part God will not impose his grace and salvation. The statement it is by God’s grace that you have been saved may be expressed as “because God is so kind, you have been saved” or “because God is so kind, he has saved you.” The final phrase through faith may be expressed as “this was possible because you trusted.” In this way one can state the necessary circumstances which involve faith, but one can avoid making faith the ultimate means for salvation. If it is necessary to supply an object for the verb “trusted” or “had faith,” here it probably is better to have God as the object: “you trusted him” or “you had faith in him” (Bratcher & Nida, 1993).



 Verses. 11,12:
  We did not belong to God’s chosen people, we are foreigners. Even, strangers to the covenants of promise which were based on God’s promises to his people (Israel).
We had no part in the covenants (or, agreements) which God made with his people and which were based on his promises to them. We lived without being able to imagine that any good would come to us because we are not His chosen people. We were far away, but now we are in close union with Christ Jesus, we have been brought near, because Christ shed his blood for us! Amen!

                                                                     Reference:

Bratcher, R. G., & Nida, E. A. (1993). A handbook on Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. UBS Handbook Series (pp. 44–54). New York: United Bible Societies.