Live Happier, Less stressful, Live Balanced

Living a life of balance is extremely important for a life with less stress and more happiness. We have a tendency to get caught up in our worries and our routine that we forget to take care of our own self. Here are some simple ideas to "change up" your regular stressed out routine for something that will help you de-stress:

1. Make time for yourself and family, leave your work at the office.
Pull a Doctor Bob Kelso. Each day as soon as he stepped out of the hospital and took his first step onto the parking lot, his face shifted from stressed out disdain for his job to happy and smiling. He was off the clock and ready to relax at home with his wife.

It can be tempting to work on work stuff at home. It is easy to respond to another email or sort through your work stuff for a document. Instead, you will be happier to forget about all your work stuff. Think Bob Kelso, as he says, " Who has two thumbs and doesn't give a care.....Bob Kelso." Dump your work stuff physically and emotionally and forget about it.

Get comfortable at home. Take a bath or a shower, if this helps relax you. Get into PJs or whatever clothes that you are most comfortable in.

2. Spend time cleaning and straightening up. Clutter is stressful. Calm your life by calming our house and canning the clutter. Keeping up with chores, sounds painfully odd, but if you slowly step-by-step clean up after your self and your home, it will be a more calming place to be. After you come in the door, give yourself time to unwind and have dinner, then tackle one chore. Get it out of the way so you can really relax when it’s done.

3. Enjoy one of your hobbies:
A. Have a drink.
B. Read a book.
C. Listen to music.
D. Get outdoors for some light exercise: jog, run, walk, hike, play with the kids or sports.
E. Call a friend
F.Play a game: cards, video games, apps on tablets/phones, crosswords, ect. What ever is stimulating and fun for you.
G. Laugh more. Watch a funny TV show, movie or comedy routine.Laughing 100 times a day is equal to doing a 10 minute rowing exercise!

4. If you don’t feel like cooking, don’t.

5. The old Bob Marley song, "Don't worry, be happy" comes to mind here. Plan one night a week or every other week to do bills and errands this way you don't have to worry and stress over finances every night. Relax the rest of the month, you will be happier.

6. Maybe the most important thing to do is to Get a good night’s sleep. Go to bed earlier if you have to. You will want to make your bedroom as comfy as possible. If you need absolute dark to sleep well, invest in blackout shades for the windows. If you need total quiet, put in earplugs before trying to fall asleep. Set the heat or air conditioning to the perfect temp for restful sleep. Study after study continue to show the importance of sleep!

7. My expertise: try a relaxation method.
For some people, yoga is extremely peaceful activity. It combines a lot of other great techniques such as meditation, breathing and light exercise. read this blog to get more ideas for relaxation methods. Today I am going to offer a few:

A. Throw your negative thoughts into the trash (literally)
Write them onto a piece of paper and then throwing it away!

B. Use your imagination to imagine a world that is different, one where you are happier and relaxed.

C. Stop buying possessions, start buying experiences. Spend quality time with those that you love. These earthly possessions do not last anyway!

D. Give/Help People
Volunteer, pay for the person behind you at a store, cook a surprise meal for someone, or give someone a gift outside of Christmas or their birthday. Doing kind acts/helping people, helps you feel better.

E. Train your brain like a monk. Do yoga or some form of mind training. Spend time in meditation. Slow down and learn to relax your body. Meditate on Scriptures!

F. Focus. The age of multitasking is wearing thin on our minds. And science is showing that multitasking does not work as well as we first imagined it would. Did you know that being distracted makes you unhappy? There is a powerful direct connection between focus and happiness. It makes sense though, because to focus is to live in the present moment, which cuts out worry, guilt, and other past regrets or future concerns.

G. Accept life difficulties as a challenge for growth and gain instead of seeing it as an impossible negative situation. This was the focus of my last blog post.


H. Breathing technique: belly breathing.

I. Smile more. Actual practice smiling, real smiles that include your eye socket.

J. Be Thankful for what you have. Be grateful and appreciative to everyone that treats you kindly. Tell people how grateful you are and journal every night about all of your blessings and thank God for them!

References/Resources to check out:

6 Scientific Ways to Live Happier

Ten Simple Things You Can Do to Be Happier, Backed by Science

17 ways to Relax

8 Easy Bodily Actions That Transform Mental Performance

6 Breathing Exercises You can do in 10 minutes 

"Worry gives a small thing a big shadow" -Scottish Proverb

When hard times hit, we are trained by this culture to be a victim and to always look out for the dangers and losses. We have two options though. Instead of being worried, when life brings trauma, think of the tough experiences as opportunities for gain. Grab the stress by the horns and take it on as a challenge. Everyday is filled with a number of uncontrollable challenges. We have the opportunity for success and winning.

About me and my services

 I am a Christian Life Coach, a Professor of Biblical Studies, a future professionally licensed counselor, blogger and occasionally fill the pulpit. My specialties are in helping ministers/pastors with self-care and stress management and in helping college students/young adults find purpose in life. 

I am learning how to deal with stress and anxiety with CBT, mindfulness and relaxation techniques, coping skills, and  decision making  techniques.

 I have seen trauma, divorce, stress and personal loss and pain in my own life. I have been there.

I want to remove excuses for getting success you want over the phone, on Skype and face-to-face.

 I want to help people set realistically higher expectations, achieve more results and to live a better lifestyle.
I want you to  see success in life. I want to help grow and stretch you to new levels in your emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical development.

I will provide and equip you with  tools use for the rest of your life as you continue to grow and learn.

I want to change the way you think about yourself. I believe that everyone has a ton of potential and the only thing standing in your way is your self. 

With me you will be able to see results in your life and you will gain tools and discover resources that you will be able to use in the future.

For a free  consultation to see if coaching with me is a good fit  for you check out AlexanderDolin.com for more information.

Take One Step at a Time

When you are feeling anxious, stressed out, hopeless, overwhelmed or down, there is some hope. While these feelings  can very quickly overtake you if you’re not careful. Here are 2 simple Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) based technique that can help face your fears and anxieties. 

The first activity is to dispute negative thoughts. Here are some questions to help in this stage of the of the A.B.C.D. Method:
1.What's the worst that could happen? 2.How likely is it to actually happen? 3.Even if the worst DID happen - how could you cope with it?

This last question begins the process of the second CBT intervention, facing your fears:
Planning out each step, is an essential part of this intervention. The key is to break the fear down into numbered small steps. CBT Therapists often help the client to place the most frightening action steps  at the bottom  and the least frightening at the top of the list.  
Next the clinician helps the client work through their list, taking each step in the order listed. The client only moves to the next step when they have really achieved the previous one.
While important, merely achieving a step once  is not enough. Clients must keep going over each step until they are confident and comfortable achieving this step. The counselor  helps the client achieve progress and congratulate/encourage the client in their success. Celebrating every achievement – even the seemingly small ones, will help to build your confidence in the face of the fear. 
As the client works through the list, they’ll begin to notice strength growing and fear diminishing. It might feel uncomfortable but it’s worth it.


If you like these types of activity, check out AlexanderDolin.com for more activities like these.

Dispute Your Negative Thoughts

This is commonly known as the A-B-C-D Method. It is a popular model in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

The Acrostic looks like this:
A- Activating event
B- Belief
C- Consequence
D- Dispute your thought

You can use this trick to dispute depression, anxiety, disappointment or any other thought that you do not like. For many people this activity takes just a few minutes but for some situations, this activity be a longer process.

Begin practicing talking back to the negative thought that is bothering or hurting you.

A is the Activating event; what happened B is the Belief or the thought that you are having; that is, what you tell yourself about what is happening C is the Consequence of your thought; that is, the feeling you have as a result of your thought D is the way in which you Dispute or talk back to your thought (this means that you challenge negative thoughts and generate alternate positive thoughts)

Here is an example of this:

A. You are single. You were recently dumped by your significant other. (This is a fact.)
B. You think that you cannot be happy without a significant other.
C. The consequences of this thought is that you hopelessly romantic or desperately seeking another companion. The consequence could be slight depression or just a lot of anxiety over this area in your life.
D. Ways to dispute this thought:
"There are a lot of single people who are as happy as those who are in a relationship or married."
"Singleness is a new chapter or season in my life, a time to enjoy the freedom and learn more things about myself and the people in my social circle."
"Being single is unfortunate, but many human beings are single. Human
beings can lead satisfying lives even when single. I am a human being,
therefore I can lead a satisfying life even though I am single."
"There are many other singles in the world. There is someone out there for me. I have had some success in relationships in the past, so I can have future success in my future relationships."

This is just one example of how this model works. If you liked this activity, check out more activities and ideas at alexanderdolin.com

Closer look at Promises in Eph. 2

-God has great love for us (v.4). Because he Loves us so much.....
-God has rich mercy and grace for us (v.4). These are so great that no one can imagine it!
-We are dead in our trespass (v.5).
          We once were dead and in disobedience.
-Saints have a future in things to come which are rich in mercy and in grace.
-What Christ did has an enormous impact on the present and the future.
- The union with Christ is very deep.
             The main verb comes in verse 5b, “he made (us) alive together,” followed by two more                  verbs (verse 6), “and he raised (us) up together and seated (us) together” (all three                          compound verbs in Greek with the preposition “with,” that is, with Christ). Verse 7 gives                the purpose of God’s action. The sentence ends at the end of verse 7; in verses 8–10 (two              sentences) the writer stresses the fact that all of this is the result of God’s grace, not of                    human achievement  It may be useful to introduce this as a simile for example, “it is just                as though God brought us back to life together with Christ.” It is important that the                        translation not have an expression which means “he (God) made us live with                                  Christ.”(Bratcher & Nida, 1993).
- Salvation can only come from God alone-His love/grace, there is nothing man can do to save himself (v.8).
-In salvation, we are created by God to have union with Christ (v.6)! We belong to Christ. God’s grace was manifested or shown to us by the way in which Christ Jesus loved us.
-Now, since we do have new life in Christ and since we are joined together with Christ, we are now called to a life of good deeds.
                 We “have been created, to create.”  Because of our union in Christ we are the                                instrument and  the means of a life of good deeds. Better yet, He had already prepared                  for us to do these deeds! (Bratcher & Nida, 1993).
-He made us for good deeds, it is a consequence of our salvation, our union with Christ.
-The blood of Christ brings people near Him and to salvation!


Verses 8 and 9:
It is not easy to distinguish between the cause of salvation, that is, by God’s grace, and the means, namely, through faith. It is God’s grace which produces the salvation, but it is the faith of people which makes this possible. Faith therefore may be described technically as “contributing circumstances,” for without faith on man’s part God will not impose his grace and salvation. The statement it is by God’s grace that you have been saved may be expressed as “because God is so kind, you have been saved” or “because God is so kind, he has saved you.” The final phrase through faith may be expressed as “this was possible because you trusted.” In this way one can state the necessary circumstances which involve faith, but one can avoid making faith the ultimate means for salvation. If it is necessary to supply an object for the verb “trusted” or “had faith,” here it probably is better to have God as the object: “you trusted him” or “you had faith in him” (Bratcher & Nida, 1993).



 Verses. 11,12:
  We did not belong to God’s chosen people, we are foreigners. Even, strangers to the covenants of promise which were based on God’s promises to his people (Israel).
We had no part in the covenants (or, agreements) which God made with his people and which were based on his promises to them. We lived without being able to imagine that any good would come to us because we are not His chosen people. We were far away, but now we are in close union with Christ Jesus, we have been brought near, because Christ shed his blood for us! Amen!

                                                                     Reference:

Bratcher, R. G., & Nida, E. A. (1993). A handbook on Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. UBS Handbook Series (pp. 44–54). New York: United Bible Societies.

"In Christ" in Ephesians Chapter Two

 Ephesians 2:4-13

But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,     
even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him (Christ), and seated us with Him (Christ) in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His (God) grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For we are His (God's) workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.


There continues some themes:
-God has great love for us.
-God has rich mercy and grace.
-Saints have a future in things to come which are rich in mercy and in grace.
-What Christ did has an enormous impact on the present and the future.
- The union with Christ is very deep. We are made alive, raised up from the dead and seated in the heavenly places all (because of) and with Christ! Wow.
-In salvation, we are created by God to have union with Christ!
-Now, since we do have new life in Christ and since we are joined together with Christ, we are now called to a life of good deeds.
-He made us for good deeds, it is a consequence of our salvation.
-The blood of Christ brings people near Him and to salvation!

Eph. 1:18

18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His (God) calling, what are the riches of the glory of His (God) inheritance in the saints, 

I gave this verse and the promise another look this morning, and I just love this statement. 
There is a hope attached to His calling. Let's think of it this way, God “calls” people, this “call” promises or produces hope in them, and this emotion of hope is directed toward something or someone (Bratcher & Nida, 1993).

It is the next bold statement that is even more confusing. Even Bratcher & Nida are uncertain of which exact understanding of the phrase is most accurate. They offer three possible understandings. 

The compound genitive phrase “the wealth of the glory of his inheritance” may be (a) the glorious wealth of his inheritance, or (b) the wealth of his glorious inheritance, or (c) his rich and glorious inheritance (1993). 
In any case there clearly is a strong rhetorical effect with the entire phrase. 

This is not the only time this phrase appears. We see in   Eph. 3:16, "that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man..."

And Col. 1:27, " to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. 

It may be better in some languages to use a term such as “wonderful” and employ an attributive so as to emphasize the importance of grandeur of the secret, “how truly wonderful is the message which has not previously been known" (Bratcher & Nida, 1993).

Going back to our promises:
-God offers riches of glory in His inheritance
-God has surpassing greatness in His power, this power He sends towards us

God has wonderful things for us (the saints) in our inheritance. We do not even know all of the glorious and wonderful things that are to come that God has been preparing for us! That is really exciting news.




Bratcher, R. G., &; Nida, E. A. (1993). A handbook on Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. UBS Handbook Series (p. 32). New York: United Bible Societies.

"In Christ"

Eph 1:18–21  (NASB)

18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His (God) calling, what are the riches of the glory of His (God) inheritance in the saints, 
   19       and what is the surpassing greatness of His (God) power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His (God) might 
   20       which He (God) brought about in Christ, when He (God) raised Him (Christ) from the dead and seated Him (Christ) at His (God) right hand in the heavenly places, 
   21       far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. 

The Promises from God in here are many also:
-God provides hope in His calling.
-God offers riches of glory in His inheritance
-God has surpassing greatness in His power, this power He sends towards us
-It is only by the strength of God's might that brought Christ out of the grave
-It is by God's authority that Christ is seated next to Him
-This authority is greater than any other authority or strength, forever!  Amen!

Examining some of the promises of our union "In Christ"

In the previous post I examined Ephesians 1:9-14 (NASB). Through observation, I found some exciting promises from the passage regarding our union with Christ. I wanted to examine and further break down each of these promises in this post.

-God has purposed kind intentions in our union with Christ (v.5, 9).
What is this "kind intention?"
The Greek Word is εὐδοκία (eudokía).
It is the good pleasure, purpose, and benevolence of God (Zodhiates, 2000).
Many experts phrase it this way, "God desired or wanted to make this known." He had full intention and a plan.God worked this plan through Jesus Christ. Christ made it possible (Bratcher & Nida, 1993)!
-God has promised an "administration suitable to the fullness of times" both in Heaven and on earth!
The Greek Word follows that this is "administration" equates to a divine stewardship or ownership. All things have a divine purpose in His administration (Zodhiates, 2000). Another promise from this section would be "God will take care of everything, according to His purpose, when the time is right (Bratcher & Nida, 1993)."

-In Christ, we have a promised inheritance.
The Greek word used in Eph. 1:11 for "inheritance" is only used this one time in the New Testament. Although, it comes from the word that means 'lot' and is closely related to the words for 'inheritance' and 'heir.'

The idea expressed here is that Christians have become heirs of God due to the fact that God predestined them according to His purpose. In a manner of speaking, the “lot” fell to believers not by chance but solely because of the gracious and sovereign decision of God–Almighty to select them to be His heirs (Zodhiates, 2000).
-God has predestined our purposes according to His will. That is stress relief there! 
Whether you are Calvinistic or not, verse 11 is pretty straight-forward. The Greek word for "predestined" means "To determine or decree beforehand" (Zodhiates, 2000).

Let's examine Eph. 1:11 again:"having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will,"
If it was not enough that God had administrated order (from the previous verse) and predestined in verse 11, Paul goes ahead and uses three more strong words to make clear that God is in charge:
Purpose- to purpose or plan, a setting forth, presentation, an exposition, determination, plan, or will
Counsel- Will, purpose, intention
Will- to will. Used to designate what God Himself does of His own good pleasure (Zodhiates, 2000).
Make it simple: God chose us to be his own people in union with Christ (Bratcher & Nida, 1993).
-Those who were the first to hope in Christ would be to the praise of His (God) glory.
In the full context, it is really God who did the choosing. “We were made God’s portion/lot.” The:emphasis is that the initiative and action are God’s alone: He made us His people.

The word "hope" means "to look forward with patience to something good.” Verse 12 may then be translated as “we who were the first to look forward to Christ should praise God’s glory” (Bratcher & Nida, 1993).
-Christ is the true message and hope of our salvation (v. 13)! 

-One of my favorite promises, is that we are sealed in Christ with the Holy Spirit. 
I have posted my position on this verse in a previous post and may explore this more later. I imagine I could spend a lot of time on this. In this context, the point is even stronger!
Christians whom God attests and confirms by the gift of the Holy Spirit as the earnest, pledge, or seal of their election to salvation (Zodhiates, 2000).
Here the “seal” is “the Holy Spirit of promise." The Holy Spirit is God’s stamp of ownership, the certification that they belong to Him. Another way of saying this would be “In order to show that you belonged to him, God marked you by giving you the Holy Spirit he had promised" (Bratcher & Nida, 1993).


                                                 References:

Bratcher, R. G., & Nida, E. A. (1993). A handbook on Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. UBS Handbook Series (p. 19). New York: United Bible Societies.

Zodhiates, S. (2000).The complete word study dictionary: New Testament. Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers.